


'The Fast Show' Review: Series 3 Episode 1

by AutisticWriter



Series: Meta [6]
Category: The Fast Show
Genre: British Comedy, Canon Dialogue, Episode Review, Episode: s03e01, Gen, Meta, Reviews, Sketch Shows, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 08:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10805364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutisticWriter/pseuds/AutisticWriter
Summary: A review of episode one of series 3 of British sketch show 'The Fast Show'.





	'The Fast Show' Review: Series 3 Episode 1

Series 3 Episode 1

Airdate: 14th November 1997

* * *

 

Sketches

Open on Jesse coming out of his shed. He tells the camera that he will be wearing Dolce e Gabbana this season, before heading back to his shed.

Fade into the opening credits.

Holding a bottle of champagne in one hand and a cigar in the other, the 13th Duke of Wybourne wonders how he has ended up in a French maids’ finishing school, given his reputation.

A checkout girl chats to the customer as she scans his shopping. The items she comments on include: a microwave meal for one (“Do you live on your own? Aww.”), parmesan cheese (“it smells like an old tramp’s crotch, that does,”), Guinness beer (“Gives my dad the shits, that does,”), ribbed condoms (“Very thoughtful,”) and matches (“are they for the fire, or do you light your own farts?”).

The police arrive on the scene as two men fight in the street. One of them yells about how the other stole his watch, and the officers can’t get him to calm down. Having been watching calmly, Chris the Crafty Cockney steps forwards and admits he stole the wallet. He tries to convince them, telling him about how he’ll steal anything, but they don’t believe him. Annoyed, Chris walks off, stealing the police car as he goes.

Two young couples and an old woman are sat around a table. One of the couples starts to tell the story of how they met, and discuss how it was laugh at first sight. The old woman laughs sarcastically.

Louis Balfour smokes a cigarette as he presents Jazz Club. His guest today is Jackson Jeffrey Jackson, a trumpet player. After babbling a lot of musical jargon, Jackson tells Louis that he sucks his trumpet rather than blowing it. Louis asks Jackson what he’s going to play for them (“Trumpet”), and when he specifies that he meant ‘what tune’ is Jackson going to play, Jackson sounds offended as he replies, “Tune? This is Jazz!” Jackson then plays his tune, and makes a disgusting noise as he sucks his trumpet. Louis doesn’t look too impressed.

A man with very big teeth and a gormless smile returns home, where his stressed wife is cooking. When she asks him if he got the ingredients she needs, he replies, “Even better than that!” and lists off the bizarre and useless things he bought – radio-shaped biscuits, a map of Cairo and an ice pick. His wife looks exasperated.

Billy Bleach approaches a man stood at the jukebox in the pub. He rambles about music and the songs on the machine, and tries to persuade the man to put on a Phil Collins song. He tells him to put on song G7 (which he says is Phil Collins) on the jukebox, only for “If the Kids Are United” by Sham 69 to blare out of the machine.

Ted is reading and drinking tea when Ralph approaches him. Ralph inquires about Mrs Ted winning the lottery, wondering if they’ll be going to live somewhere hot. Ted says that Mrs Ted only won £10. Relived, Ralph remembers why he came to talk to Ted in the first place: he needs a lift into town and the car won’t start. The tractor and the Land Rover both aren’t working, so Ted ends up taking Ralph on the back of his moped. Ralph is grinning broadly as he holds onto Ted.

A Welsh man is chatting to the camera in a recording studio. He mentions how big London seemed to him when he first arrived, but he’s used to it now.

Behind the scenes at a film set, Chip Cobb, the stuntman, arrives. The producers try to tell Chip about his duties, but they find Chip is deaf and mishears everything they say. When one of them tells Chip to “go through it with Belinda,” Chip hears this as “go through the window,” and jumps straight through the pane of glass.

In the pub, a lorry driver sits down at the same table as Archie. Archie starts chatting to him, mentioning how he used to be a lorry driver, “thirty years, man and boy.” The man doesn’t look interested, but Archie doesn’t seem to notice. His rambles eventually lead to the topic of his fishing escapades with his friend Stan. He then mentions that he would have loved to have gone to one of Frank Sinatra’s comeback gigs, and to have met Sinatra, because “he’s had a lot of pain in his life as well.”

We then see an advert for Cheesy Peas’ new fragrance for Northern men, which features the male model getting groped by two female statues come to life.

The Brilliant Kid rambles to the camera as his background, outfit and the colour of the picture change randomly. The topics of his ramblings include: shelves (without them, everything would be on the floor) and gravity (it’s useful and good at holding us down; he then asks the viewer to imagine going to the toilet without gravity).

In an office, Colin Hunt harasses his co-worker by quoting catchphrases from his favourite sketch show, _I’m An Alien_. He tries to talk to the man and Doreen about the show, but they both were watching a documentary on the other channel. They start chatting about the documentary, leaving Colin bored – until another co-worker comes into the room and quotes the show, giving Colin another likeminded person to talk to about the show.

Ted is sat on his moped when Ralph comes back from the bank. Ralph gets onto the moped, shuffling very close to Ted, who smiles awkwardly.

In the style of an old, black and white horror film, a woman is approached in her sleep by a monster. She screams when she sees him, but the monster doesn’t hurt her. Instead, in a voice with a heavy lisp, he tells her to bet on the Spice Girls for Christmas number one. Leaving the woman confused.

In the makeup section of a department store, a woman is approached by a shop assistant. The assistant, who is South African and has heavy makeup on, asks her if she wants to buy some perfume. When the woman declines, the assistant whispers that it might help cover up the smell of ‘down there’. After offending the woman further, she smiles and says, “no offense.”

On That’s _Amazing!,_ Carl Hooper is joined by Jack Off. Carl finds his name hysterical and laughs, annoying Jack, who points out his name is actually pounced ‘Ofuff’. Carl doesn’t care, and keeps joking about Jack’s name. He goes to storm off, but stops to tell Carl he had something truly amazing to show him. Carl cynically starts listing off things he might have brought, and, as he mentions ‘a frog that plays the drums’, Jack picks up just that, only to hastily put it back under the table. Jack asks Carl why he invites ‘assholes’ onto his show. Carl just tells him to piss off and to take ‘Keith Moon’ the frog with him.

Paul is cleaning a car when Swiss Toni starts talking to him about women and how to seduce them. He tells Paul that when you sell a car to a woman you have to act as though you’re having sex with her. When you’re selling a car to a man, however, Swiss Toni’s advice to make the man think he has a bigger penis than you. Paul seems to find this confusing.

Rowley Birkin nurses a glass of alcohol as he rambles to the camera. He grins and chuckles as he mumbles on about various random topics, and makes sure to tell us that he was “very, very drunk.”

In the pub, a group of friends are talking about finding the right school. One of them gets bored and starts talking about football, and gets annoyed when they don’t know anything. He approaches two strangers and starts rambling about football to them, and it soon becomes clear that, whilst they are real fans, he doesn’t have a clue what he is talking about. Eventually, he gets confused by their football jargon and asks them what the schools are like in their local area.

Back in the recording studio, the Welsh bloke chats about how his father and grandfather were miners, but the pits are closed down now. Not that he gives a toss.

A man rushes up to a parking warden, begging her not to give him a ticket. She starts rambling about how unattractive her uniform makes her look, and the man gets so bored he asks her to just give him a ticket. She finishes by asking him if her bum looks big in her skirt.

On Channel 9, we see a cartoon called ‘Willy Ton Bastardo’. It is bizarre and rather creepy, and has no discernable plot.

After driving back on the moped (with Ralph clinging tightly to Ted, his arms wrapped around his chest), Ted and Ralph arrive at the big house, only for Ralph to discover that he has left his wallet at the bank. They then drive back, Ralph clinging even tighter.

The 13th Duke of Wybourne grins as he wonders how, given his reputation, he ended up in a student nurse’s hall of residence in the middle of the night.

We then see Dave Angel’s opening scene, with Dave walking down a road as ‘Moonlight Shadow’ by Mike Oldfield plays in the background. We cut to Dave in his living room, talking to the camera about him and his wife Shirley. Dave then talks about aerosols and how they have ruined the ozone layer, whilst Shirley uses an aerosol in the background. When Dave notices, he is less than impressed.

In a tailors’, a man is led into a changing cubical by Ken. Ken thinks he has seen the man before, and the man says that he’s an actor, and that he has done a few TV adverts (to which Ken replies that they don’t watch television). He adds that he has done some Shakespeare, and Ken recognises him from a performance of _Hamlet_. Kenneth suddenly appears in the cubical with the man, asking him if he’s seen Kenneth Branagh’s _Hamlet_. Kenneth leaves the cubical, and the man starts to get undressed. Ken and Kenneth start comparing Branagh’s _Hamlet_ to Olivier’s, and it becomes clear that they are using the word ‘Hamlet’ as a euphemism for ‘penis’. By now the man is naked, and Kenneth looks into the cubical. “You have got a big penis, haven’t you?” he says, and they walk off.

Outside the bank, Ralph goes over to Ted, who is sat on the moped. As Ralph goes to get on the moped, Ted mentions that Ralph doesn’t need to hold on so tightly, as he is in no danger of falling off. Ralph apologises, and is then seen on the back of the moped as they drive home, leaning backwards in his seat with his arms out wide so he doesn’t touch Ted at all.

And cue the closing credits. As the credits roll, we see two more sketches: a shot of Jackson Jeffrey Jackson, still making a disgusting sound as he sucks on his trumpet; and Patrick Nice, stood in his greenhouse as he mentions the time he saw a hobgoblin in his garden as a child (“which was nice”).

 

* * *

 

Rating

Series three is of the same quality as series two, continuing the fast pace of the previous series as well as further adding depth to the characters. It also introduces some more very iconic characters, including Dave Angel and Swiss Toni (who was so successful that he got his own spin off), whilst not forgetting about the recurring characters.

As previously mentioned, I only rate my absolute favourite episodes as 10/10. But this episode is still hysterically funny and introduces some very good characters, so I shall give it a 9/10.


End file.
